Justin's personal Story with Anxiety, Depression and Paranoia
Hello, My name is Justin . I have been suffering with Anxiety, Depression and Paranoia Schizophrenia since roughly 8/14/09. You see that picture? That's not me, But It's a symbol of how my life was lived. Behind a chain link fence. Yes, I was so bad Into anxiety and paranoia that I did not have a life. My life revolved around going to the Emergency Room every 12 to 14 hours for treatment, help, x-rays, blood work, CT scans and all other forms of "Am I going to die" Answers.
My story Is simple, And quite Unique, But not at the same time. It all started randomly one day after a shower. I got out, dried off and got dressed. Out of no where my heart started racing my palms started to sweat.. this sense of death was In my head. I thought "I was bleeding out Internally" For really no reason at all. I rushed myself to the hospital, Called 911, My body started to go numb.. my fingers, toes, arms and legs and even my mouth, tongue and lips. My body started to become very weak and I had a good drive ahead of myself. I called my family and I said my goodbye's.
I finally reached a gas station.. I was so bad off I literally was acting like I was drunk. I could not speak well, walk or even stand. I really believed that I was bleeding out and dying right there. I broke down, and passed out. I awoke with a police man standing near me and the ambulance on their way. I got up, felt slightly better but yet still In panic mode from this tragic event yet I still could barely walk. I made It into the ambulance and told them everything that I did prior to the event. They checked my heart, gave me an IV line and saline, checked my blood sugar and my blood pressure and assured me that I was not bleeding out that I was simply having a PANIC attack.
What's a panic attack I said? This Is Un-heard of. I don't have PANIC issues. They laughed at me and said It happens to normal people at random times In their lives.
Needless to say I did NOT believe them.
At the hospital I was given (Ativan) (Haldol). My symptoms started to go away pretty quick. I demanded while balling my eyes out x-rays and blood work to double check that I was fine, and yes they gave me everything I asked for. Everything came back normal...
A week later I started having another episode, Back to the hospital I went. The reason? My heart was racing, I was sweating I had racing thoughts about death and bleeding out again! Everything was normal, again. The first few months we not so bad.. I had (Palpitations) here and there which scared me, but I dealt with them.. And every few days I would have another PANIC attack. My treatment? Run to the Emergency Room. And every single time I would do this, Nothing was wrong with me.
I just can't understand, why am I having these attacks when nothing Is wrong and I'm getting no answers and getting no where with help? What's wrong!
Well my friends, about 1 year Into It I started on (Klonopin) A medicine used to treat various things, such as anxiety. I lived for 1 year roughly anxiety/Panic attack free. But the medicine of course ran out. And I was stuck In a loop of "Benzo" Withdraw for One year, One full year. Every day I would have a PANIC attack and go to the Emergency Room for help. Eventually the PANIC attacks stopped but the ANXIETY attacks got worse and worse. Bringing on PARANOIA and OCD..
I would check my pulse every 5 minutes, my blood pressure every 30 minutes, check my finger tips for circulation, watch my eye's dilate in the light and dark.. My health became my OBSESSION. I began researching everything you can Imagine. So much so that I have recorded over 1,000,000 different Wikipedia page view's to myself.
That's right, Over ONE MILLION pages I read.. ONE MILLION. Needless to say I learned quite a lot...
About 3 months Into not having my medicine I started having suicidal thoughts and actions.. I ran to the Emergency Room once more, they kept me there for three days to monitor me. They gave me (Ativan) and all my problems went away. From what I know now, I was withdrawing from (Ativan) On a daily basis.
I would sleep in the parking lot of the hospital some nights just to feel safe, to feel O.K to feel content with being scared but near help. Call the Emergency Room often and describe my problems and there for a while I was going In to the Emergency Room Via Ambulance every single day for a month.
For SIX months I was at the Emergency Room every single night, Every 12 hours or so I was In the Emergency Room not knowing If I was going to live or die.. I stopped having PANIC attacks but I had ANXIETY All DAY and NIGHT.
Tremors In my sleep, racing heart beats, low blood pressure, High blood pressure..weird feelings, chest pains and the list just goes on and on..
Recovering from this slowly I am attempting to branch out and help others.
My story Is now told, And I hope you can In-vision what I experienced, and I hope that none of you go through It "That Bad"
~Justin
My story Is simple, And quite Unique, But not at the same time. It all started randomly one day after a shower. I got out, dried off and got dressed. Out of no where my heart started racing my palms started to sweat.. this sense of death was In my head. I thought "I was bleeding out Internally" For really no reason at all. I rushed myself to the hospital, Called 911, My body started to go numb.. my fingers, toes, arms and legs and even my mouth, tongue and lips. My body started to become very weak and I had a good drive ahead of myself. I called my family and I said my goodbye's.
I finally reached a gas station.. I was so bad off I literally was acting like I was drunk. I could not speak well, walk or even stand. I really believed that I was bleeding out and dying right there. I broke down, and passed out. I awoke with a police man standing near me and the ambulance on their way. I got up, felt slightly better but yet still In panic mode from this tragic event yet I still could barely walk. I made It into the ambulance and told them everything that I did prior to the event. They checked my heart, gave me an IV line and saline, checked my blood sugar and my blood pressure and assured me that I was not bleeding out that I was simply having a PANIC attack.
What's a panic attack I said? This Is Un-heard of. I don't have PANIC issues. They laughed at me and said It happens to normal people at random times In their lives.
Needless to say I did NOT believe them.
At the hospital I was given (Ativan) (Haldol). My symptoms started to go away pretty quick. I demanded while balling my eyes out x-rays and blood work to double check that I was fine, and yes they gave me everything I asked for. Everything came back normal...
A week later I started having another episode, Back to the hospital I went. The reason? My heart was racing, I was sweating I had racing thoughts about death and bleeding out again! Everything was normal, again. The first few months we not so bad.. I had (Palpitations) here and there which scared me, but I dealt with them.. And every few days I would have another PANIC attack. My treatment? Run to the Emergency Room. And every single time I would do this, Nothing was wrong with me.
I just can't understand, why am I having these attacks when nothing Is wrong and I'm getting no answers and getting no where with help? What's wrong!
Well my friends, about 1 year Into It I started on (Klonopin) A medicine used to treat various things, such as anxiety. I lived for 1 year roughly anxiety/Panic attack free. But the medicine of course ran out. And I was stuck In a loop of "Benzo" Withdraw for One year, One full year. Every day I would have a PANIC attack and go to the Emergency Room for help. Eventually the PANIC attacks stopped but the ANXIETY attacks got worse and worse. Bringing on PARANOIA and OCD..
I would check my pulse every 5 minutes, my blood pressure every 30 minutes, check my finger tips for circulation, watch my eye's dilate in the light and dark.. My health became my OBSESSION. I began researching everything you can Imagine. So much so that I have recorded over 1,000,000 different Wikipedia page view's to myself.
That's right, Over ONE MILLION pages I read.. ONE MILLION. Needless to say I learned quite a lot...
About 3 months Into not having my medicine I started having suicidal thoughts and actions.. I ran to the Emergency Room once more, they kept me there for three days to monitor me. They gave me (Ativan) and all my problems went away. From what I know now, I was withdrawing from (Ativan) On a daily basis.
I would sleep in the parking lot of the hospital some nights just to feel safe, to feel O.K to feel content with being scared but near help. Call the Emergency Room often and describe my problems and there for a while I was going In to the Emergency Room Via Ambulance every single day for a month.
For SIX months I was at the Emergency Room every single night, Every 12 hours or so I was In the Emergency Room not knowing If I was going to live or die.. I stopped having PANIC attacks but I had ANXIETY All DAY and NIGHT.
Tremors In my sleep, racing heart beats, low blood pressure, High blood pressure..weird feelings, chest pains and the list just goes on and on..
Recovering from this slowly I am attempting to branch out and help others.
My story Is now told, And I hope you can In-vision what I experienced, and I hope that none of you go through It "That Bad"
~Justin